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All In the Family Quotes!
Archie:(To Mike)You are a meathead!
Mike: I keep having these nightmares that I keep walking from door to door and you know who keeps answering the door?
Gloria:Who?
Mike: Archie! And you know what he keeps saying?
Gloria: What?
Mike: Well, everytime I ring the doorbell, Archie says to give it a Pollock Knock. And when I ask what a Pollock Knock is, you know what he says?
Gloria: What?!
Mike: He says that a Pollock Knock takes a dumb bell to knock on the door! He was referring to me!
Mike: I'm feeling like I'm on fire! If I don't get the results of my exam soon, you're gonna need a Chinese Water Tower to put me out!!!Ahh!
Edith: Maybe God does know what I meant. I want something good for Mike and Gloria, and something good for someone good, and someone good for something good, and vice versa!
Edith: Oh these must be Mike's Exam results!
Lucille: Open them!
Edith: Oh I couldn't do that!
Archie: Sure you could!
Edith: But Archie, it's not mine! It's Private!
Archie: Then I will!
Edith: Oh you can't! It's private!
Archie: He goes to a public college, and that means it's open to the public!
Edith: But still Archie, it's not right!
Archie: Aw, just look at this envelope. Half sealed....It would be a shame to leave it that way, wouldn't it?
Edith: Well..I guess.
Archie: That's right. Now I'll just take this, and gently open the other half of the seal...and carefully take the letter out. Uh oh!
Edith: WHAT?
Archie: Just look at that! The letter wasn't sealed at all! See, I just took the letter right out! And since it's out, it wouldn't hurt to read it, right?
Edith: Ok!
Archie: Well, well, well! The meathead passed all of his courses! The Meathead is moving outta here! Time to celebrate! Aren't you happy, Edith? The meathead is gone!
(Edith is Talking about marriages that fall apart
after kids move out)
Edith:When kids leave thats when marriages fall apart
Archie:Where do you get this CRAPOLA?
Edith:I heard it on the television from Dr.Joyce
Brothers!
(Edith and Archie are in a fight because Edith let
Archie win "Gin Rummy")
Archie:Look it here Edith, You don't cheat to win, You
cheat to loose!
(Edith is taking a personal phone call about herself
and Archie's second honeymoon and she doesn't want
Archie to know yet)
Edith:Archie, This is a personal phone call
Archie:For me?
Edith:No,for me
Archie:Well?
Edith:Do you mind?